dehaywardati

easy. i would have listened to my gut in lima telling me that something was fishy and to not leave the airport. i would not have been robbed, my confidence would not have been shaken and my finances would have been in a much stronger place.

so i've been hankering for my mom's stew. and that stew requires a crock pot. so i went to target and walmart's sites, and dear G-d in heaven, they were more than what i was looking to spend. so i went to craig's list. and now i have two that were better than the level i was looking for in size, and one is even programmable--suhweeeeeeet.
now i know from my mom's that each one cooks differently, so i put it on while i was home the first time, to see if 8-10 hours means, in fact, 8-10 hours, or, as the more modern ones are prone to do, 4-6 unless you like dried up meat. the problem is that the house smells divine. i so want to sample the meat but am afraid of losing the steam that has built up--some packets says you lose up to 20 minutes of cooking time each time you lift the lid. we can't have that.

conversion class is boring the hell out of me. i guess you can only learn so much about the holidays before you feel like you know them in and out at such a ... basic level. i am seriously rocking the socks off the hebrew class though. if we continue at this same pace until may, i might scream.

we got the rest of our books this week for the conversion course. if you didn't have a jewish library before enrolling, you sure do now! i really like the one on jewish holidays--too many of the "intro to judaism" texts just give you a paragraph or two that it's hard to get enthusiastic about any of the holidays. this is a chapter on each one that talks about the torah verses that are the basis for the holiday, how the rabbis codified the oral law to expand on the written, and how it is celebrated today to make it meaningful in a life lived in this modern era. then in the margins they have commentary from all the editors--how jewish, no?

one of my roommates spilled a dark liquid all over the carpet. and left it there. i want to scream. or hit something. seriously, who does that?

first class. third conversion course. maybe this time will be the last?

9 books are required, as is mandatory concurrent hebrew study. for me, that works because i've been through conversion courses enough that the material isn't exactly new. but if i were starting from scratch, i would be completely overwhelmed. i'm wondering why they don't do two separate classes, one for the "content" and one for the "language".

that said, if last night's tone and pace represents the rest of the course... then i really think the general distaste for reform judaism, and especially its conversions, found among the conservative movement for being a "cop-out" needs to go. it's not that different at all.

i like it a lot so far. there are probably 15 "candidates," but with jewish significant others that probably puts us at just between 20 and 25 in the class. i'm (obviously) not the only single person-- off the top of my head, there are four other women and one man. and i am not the only person under 40--imagine that. in fact i think all but one couple (i remember 7...) is under 45. it's nice not being around older people all the time. it's nice not being in a class with jewish adults always asking "WHY on EARTH would you want to do that?!" it's nice having this content geared specifically towards conversion candidates.

there are two older black ladies that hit it off right away. D., the older of the two, has 8 kids, 4 sons and 4 daughters. she is really very shy, won't even ask the rabbis any questions she has one on one. it makes me wonder how she ever mustered the courage to go approach one. i hope she gains some confidence soon and begins to speak up a bit more. no one is there to judge her. M. has been studying with a friend's father for a good chunk of time. her hebrew letter identification is a lot stronger than most of us thanks to said friend's father. i don't know how to say this without sounding racist. which means it probably is to some degree. but it was very interesting talking to her before the class started and listening to her questions during. it sounds like she was raised in a traditional southern black church and that type of spirituality is very much a part of her faith. very call and answer responsive, very music-based. i like seeing how we all bring our own cultures to enrich the tradition we seek to join.

i'll shut up now. happy new year all!

i'm rather excited right now--i proposed a new converts cluster in gesher city's dc branch, and the director said she liked the idea enough that it can be made. i now just have to promote like crazy to make sure there are other members. oh, and think up things to do lol

i am done with classes. forever.

OTT: Doctor Tiller and Womens' Battle for the God-damned Mutual Understanding Already


My until-recently fiancee (of sorts) and I have had a long and complicated relationship. Our mutual faith and love have been tried and tested on many occasions.

Dr. Tiller's murder can only be described as an act of terror, perpetrated by the willfully ignorant, and cheered on by the hateful and controlling elements of our society. I came to this conclusion after having a long time to think about one of the most trying events of my relationship to the woman I love.

At a time when we were both jobless, strapped for cash, and afraid for the future, she found out she was about a month pregnant. Naturally, we discussed our options; our feelings on abortion (both of us did not believe it to be murder), the possibility of carrying it to term, our ability to give a child a good future, etc. The conversation was not an easy one, but it was a necessary one, as you could imagine.

After that I hadn't heard from her for about three days. When I got a hold of her she told me she had cashed in a paycheck and terminated the pregnancy. As she was already on the road, I suggested she come over to see me.

I wasn't angry or upset with her, more worried and a little puzzled. She isn't by any means a weak, dependent individual, but of course the whole experience had left her shaken and distant. Until that time I had never really given much thought to the abortion debate, as my opinion was based on a simple premise; a fetus is not a human being, a woman has a right to end an unwanted or illogical pregnancy with the proper tools in a safe, professional environment. That was pretty much the end of my prior consideration. My mistake was that I didn't push her to open up to me, I didn't try to make her understand that I was there, I was worried, and I wanted to comfort her. We talked only briefly, we fell asleep in each others arms, and by the time I woke up she had left for work. After that, neither of us ever brought it up again.

What stood out to me was the feeling that, on some level, she felt like she had to go through the abortion process alone. That I wasn't open or understanding enough to accompany her to the clinic, to hold her hand, to assure her that she was making the right decision. To assure her that I would always love her and would never in a million years let her even think for a second that I resented her decision on some level. It certainly never once occurred to me that it was anybody's decision but hers. If she didn't want to have an abortion, it was my responsibility to respect that decision and do everything in my power to help. Simple enough, right?

The truth is, I don't believe we ever recovered from that. My faith in myself was shaken, and I believed her trust in me was compromised. All this, because I was afraid to ask more questions, afraid of understanding the real horror of living in a society that does not hesitate to call her a murderous slut on a whim. It was after this that I put effort into understanding the many justifications of the abortion procedure, the psychology of the women who go through it, and the prejudices of the anti-choice movement.

The gung-ho pro-war hypocrisy of these ignorant, judgmental stonethrowers culminated on Sunday with the murder of one of the three doctors in the country who understood the medical necessity of the late-term abortion procedure, one of the few doctors who saw reproductive rights as the greatest civil rights battle for women to date. In addition to the outpouring of disgusting, vicious hate-speech present all over the internet and media, there were a quiet few who dared to share their stories of the real Dr. Tiller, the sympathetic lover of people, of women, who was there when no other doctor would be.

Dr. Tiller had been shot twice in his life, prior to Sunday. He had a bodyguard and he wore a flak jacket to and from work. His name and address have been published on every "pro-life" hate site, his blood called for by the mob of blubbering intolerant morons, and as a result he received a bullet in the head, in a church, in front of his family.

His children had once asked him, "Daddy, if something happens to you, who will help these women?"

The purpose of this post is to encourage everybody to share stories of women who have had to make the hard choices, while they still had the right to do so, and to condemn the terrorists who would have it taken away. Share knowledge of the medical and economic complications that can and do arise in pregnancy, so at least nobody here can be excused by their ignorance any longer.

i hate people who crack their knuckles every hour.

fml: reason 345,678,120--having seen new colors on my (time-dependent) beach-themed gmail background for the first time since i've had it turned on. in november.

we begin---with silence.
the silence of death:
the silence after destruction;
there are times when songs falter,
when darkness fills life,
when martyrdom becomes a constellation of faith
against the unrelieved black of space about us.
there are no words to reach beyond the edge of night,
no messenger to tell the full tale.
there is only silence.
the silence of job.
the silence of the fourteen million.
the silence of memory.
let us remember them as we link our silences.



i am a jew and will be a jew forever.
even if i should die from hunger,
never will i submit.
i will always fight for my people,
on my honor.
i will never be ashamed of them,
i give my word.

i am proud of my people,
how dignified they are.
even if i am suppressed,
i will always come back to life.

muahahahahahahahah.

my program doesn't "do" MA theses. we have a capstone simulation instead. (think back to model UN) there are three of us who are "fake" argentines.

and guess who gets to represent la republica argentina?

yo.

p.s. i hate my upstairs neighbor. her music sucks balls. all the time. really loudly.

oh hai there Shema in Warren's little invocation. not cool dude. at all.




My fellow citizens:

I stand here today humbled by the task before us, grateful for the trust you have bestowed, mindful of the sacrifices borne by our ancestors. I thank President Bush for his service to our nation, as well as the generosity and cooperation he has shown throughout this transition.

Forty-four Americans have now taken the presidential oath. The words have been spoken during rising tides of prosperity and the still waters of peace. Yet, every so often the oath is taken amidst gathering clouds and raging storms. At these moments, America has carried on not simply because of the skill or vision of those in high office, but because We the People have remained faithful to the ideals of our forbearers, and true to our founding documents.

So it has been. So it must be with this generation of Americans.

That we are in the midst of crisis is now well understood. Our nation is at war, against a far-reaching network of violence and hatred. Our economy is badly weakened, a consequence of greed and irresponsibility on the part of some, but also our collective failure to make hard choices and prepare the nation for a new age. Homes have been lost; jobs shed; businesses shuttered. Our health care is too costly; our schools fail too many; and each day brings further evidence that the ways we use energy strengthen our adversaries and threaten our planet.

These are the indicators of crisis, subject to data and statistics. Less measurable but no less profound is a sapping of confidence across our land - a nagging fear that America's decline is inevitable, and that the next generation must lower its sights.

Today I say to you that the challenges we face are real. They are serious and they are many. They will not be met easily or in a short span of time. But know this, America - they will be met.

On this day, we gather because we have chosen hope over fear, unity of purpose over conflict and discord.

On this day, we come to proclaim an end to the petty grievances and false promises, the recriminations and worn out dogmas, that for far too long have strangled our politics.

We remain a young nation, but in the words of Scripture, the time has come to set aside childish things. The time has come to reaffirm our enduring spirit; to choose our better history; to carry forward that precious gift, that noble idea, passed on from generation to generation: the God-given promise that all are equal, all are free, and all deserve a chance to pursue their full measure of happiness.

In reaffirming the greatness of our nation, we understand that greatness is never a given. It must be earned. Our journey has never been one of short-cuts or settling for less. It has not been the path for the faint-hearted - for those who prefer leisure over work, or seek only the pleasures of riches and fame. Rather, it has been the risk-takers, the doers, the makers of things - some celebrated but more often men and women obscure in their labor, who have carried us up the long, rugged path towards prosperity and freedom.

For us, they packed up their few worldly possessions and traveled across oceans in search of a new life.

For us, they toiled in sweatshops and settled the West; endured the lash of the whip and plowed the hard earth.

For us, they fought and died, in places like Concord and Gettysburg; Normandy and Khe Sahn.

Time and again these men and women struggled and sacrificed and worked till their hands were raw so that we might live a better life. They saw America as bigger than the sum of our individual ambitions; greater than all the differences of birth or wealth or faction.

This is the journey we continue today. We remain the most prosperous, powerful nation on Earth. Our workers are no less productive than when this crisis began. Our minds are no less inventive, our goods and services no less needed than they were last week or last month or last year. Our capacity remains undiminished. But our time of standing pat, of protecting narrow interests and putting off unpleasant decisions - that time has surely passed. Starting today, we must pick ourselves up, dust ourselves off, and begin again the work of remaking America.

For everywhere we look, there is work to be done. The state of the economy calls for action, bold and swift, and we will act - not only to create new jobs, but to lay a new foundation for growth. We will build the roads and bridges, the electric grids and digital lines that feed our commerce and bind us together. We will restore science to its rightful place, and wield technology's wonders to raise health care's quality and lower its cost. We will harness the sun and the winds and the soil to fuel our cars and run our factories. And we will transform our schools and colleges and universities to meet the demands of a new age. All this we can do. And all this we will do.

Now, there are some who question the scale of our ambitions - who suggest that our system cannot tolerate too many big plans. Their memories are short. For they have forgotten what this country has already done; what free men and women can achieve when imagination is joined to common purpose, and necessity to courage.

What the cynics fail to understand is that the ground has shifted beneath them - that the stale political arguments that have consumed us for so long no longer apply. The question we ask today is not whether our government is too big or too small, but whether it works - whether it helps families find jobs at a decent wage, care they can afford, a retirement that is dignified. Where the answer is yes, we intend to move forward. Where the answer is no, programs will end. And those of us who manage the public's dollars will be held to account - to spend wisely, reform bad habits, and do our business in the light of day - because only then can we restore the vital trust between a people and their government.

Nor is the question before us whether the market is a force for good or ill. Its power to generate wealth and expand freedom is unmatched, but this crisis has reminded us that without a watchful eye, the market can spin out of control - and that a nation cannot prosper long when it favors only the prosperous. The success of our economy has always depended not just on the size of our Gross Domestic Product, but on the reach of our prosperity; on our ability to extend opportunity to every willing heart - not out of charity, but because it is the surest route to our common good.

As for our common defense, we reject as false the choice between our safety and our ideals. Our Founding Fathers, faced with perils we can scarcely imagine, drafted a charter to assure the rule of law and the rights of man, a charter expanded by the blood of generations. Those ideals still light the world, and we will not give them up for expedience's sake. And so to all other peoples and governments who are watching today, from the grandest capitals to the small village where my father was born: know that America is a friend of each nation and every man, woman, and child who seeks a future of peace and dignity, and that we are ready to lead once more.

Recall that earlier generations faced down fascism and communism not just with missiles and tanks, but with sturdy alliances and enduring convictions. They understood that our power alone cannot protect us, nor does it entitle us to do as we please. Instead, they knew that our power grows through its prudent use; our security emanates from the justness of our cause, the force of our example, the tempering qualities of humility and restraint.

We are the keepers of this legacy. Guided by these principles once more, we can meet those new threats that demand even greater effort - even greater cooperation and understanding between nations. We will begin to responsibly leave Iraq to its people, and forge a hard-earned peace in Afghanistan. With old friends and former foes, we will work tirelessly to lessen the nuclear threat, and roll back the specter of a warming planet. We will not apologize for our way of life, nor will we waver in its defense, and for those who seek to advance their aims by inducing terror and slaughtering innocents, we say to you now that our spirit is stronger and cannot be broken; you cannot outlast us, and we will defeat you.

For we know that our patchwork heritage is a strength, not a weakness. We are a nation of Christians and Muslims, Jews and Hindus - and non-believers. We are shaped by every language and culture, drawn from every end of this Earth; and because we have tasted the bitter swill of civil war and segregation, and emerged from that dark chapter stronger and more united, we cannot help but believe that the old hatreds shall someday pass; that the lines of tribe shall soon dissolve; that as the world grows smaller, our common humanity shall reveal itself; and that America must play its role in ushering in a new era of peace.

To the Muslim world, we seek a new way forward, based on mutual interest and mutual respect. To those leaders around the globe who seek to sow conflict, or blame their society's ills on the West - know that your people will judge you on what you can build, not what you destroy. To those who cling to power through corruption and deceit and the silencing of dissent, know that you are on the wrong side of history; but that we will extend a hand if you are willing to unclench your fist.

To the people of poor nations, we pledge to work alongside you to make your farms flourish and let clean waters flow; to nourish starved bodies and feed hungry minds. And to those nations like ours that enjoy relative plenty, we say we can no longer afford indifference to suffering outside our borders; nor can we consume the world's resources without regard to effect. For the world has changed, and we must change with it.

As we consider the road that unfolds before us, we remember with humble gratitude those brave Americans who, at this very hour, patrol far-off deserts and distant mountains. They have something to tell us today, just as the fallen heroes who lie in Arlington whisper through the ages. We honor them not only because they are guardians of our liberty, but because they embody the spirit of service; a willingness to find meaning in something greater than themselves. And yet, at this moment - a moment that will define a generation - it is precisely this spirit that must inhabit us all.

For as much as government can do and must do, it is ultimately the faith and determination of the American people upon which this nation relies. It is the kindness to take in a stranger when the levees break, the selflessness of workers who would rather cut their hours than see a friend lose their job which sees us through our darkest hours. It is the firefighter's courage to storm a stairway filled with smoke, but also a parent's willingness to nurture a child, that finally decides our fate.

Our challenges may be new. The instruments with which we meet them may be new. But those values upon which our success depends - hard work and honesty, courage and fair play, tolerance and curiosity, loyalty and patriotism - these things are old. These things are true. They have been the quiet force of progress throughout our history. What is demanded then is a return to these truths. What is required of us now is a new era of responsibility - a recognition, on the part of every American, that we have duties to ourselves, our nation, and the world, duties that we do not grudgingly accept but rather seize gladly, firm in the knowledge that there is nothing so satisfying to the spirit, so defining of our character, than giving our all to a difficult task.

This is the price and the promise of citizenship.

This is the source of our confidence - the knowledge that God calls on us to shape an uncertain destiny.

This is the meaning of our liberty and our creed - why men and women and children of every race and every faith can join in celebration across this magnificent mall, and why a man whose father less than sixty years ago might not have been served at a local restaurant can now stand before you to take a most sacred oath.

So let us mark this day with remembrance, of who we are and how far we have traveled. In the year of America's birth, in the coldest of months, a small band of patriots huddled by dying campfires on the shores of an icy river. The capital was abandoned. The enemy was advancing. The snow was stained with blood. At a moment when the outcome of our revolution was most in doubt, the father of our nation ordered these words be read to the people:

"Let it be told to the future world...that in the depth of winter, when nothing but hope and virtue could survive...that the city and the country, alarmed at one common danger, came forth to meet [it]."

America. In the face of our common dangers, in this winter of our hardship, let us remember these timeless words. With hope and virtue, let us brave once more the icy currents, and endure what storms may come. Let it be said by our children's children that when we were tested we refused to let this journey end, that we did not turn back nor did we falter; and with eyes fixed on the horizon and God's grace upon us, we carried forth that great gift of freedom and delivered it safely to future generations.

15 down, 25 to go. i never felt this tired before as an undergrad. grad school feels like WORK. i am so giddy with the prospect of FIVE GLORIOUS weeks to do whatever the hell i want. i have a book! a nonfiction 300 page novel in my bag. that puts a bounce in my step.

now i'm off to nyc.
and then chicago.
and then HOOOOOME.


wooot.

That out of many we are one. That while we breathe we will hope. And where we are met with cynicism and doubt and fear and those who tell us that we can’t, we will respond with that timeless creed that sums up the spirit of the American people in three simple words, 
yes we can.
Ken, anu yecholim.  
Sí, se puede.

Change will not come if we wait for some other person, or if we wait for some other time. We are the ones we've been waiting for.

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But in the unlikely story that is America, there has never been anything false about hope. For when we have faced down impossible odds; when we've been told that we're not ready, or that we shouldn't try, or that we can't, generations of Americans have responded with a simple creed that sums up the spirit of a people.

Yes we can.

It was a creed written into the founding documents that declared the destiny of a nation.

Yes we can.

It was whispered by slaves and abolitionists as they blazed a trail toward freedom through the darkest of nights.

Yes we can.

It was sung by immigrants as they struck out from distant shores and pioneers who pushed westward against an unforgiving wilderness.

Yes we can.

It was the call of workers who organized; women who reached for the ballot; a President who chose the moon as our new frontier; and a King who took us to the mountaintop and pointed the way to the Promised Land.

Yes we can to justice and equality. Yes we can to opportunity and prosperity. Yes we can heal this nation. Yes we can repair this world. Yes we can.

And so tomorrow, as we take this campaign South and West; as we learn that the struggles of the textile worker in Spartanburg are not so different than the plight of the dishwasher in Las Vegas; that the hopes of the little girl who goes to a crumbling school in Dillon are the same as the dreams of the boy who learns on the streets of LA; we will remember that there is something happening in America; that we are not as divided as our politics suggests; that we are one people; we are one nation; and together, we will begin the next great chapter in America's story with three words that will ring from coast to coast; from sea to shining sea - Yes. We. Can.

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Yes, we can.  But did we?

i get to see my sister on thanksgiving, woooooot

 last year i only made it to hour 20.  this year i did the whole thing. wooooooot.

hope you guys all had an easy fast.  let's bring on the sukkot!

Benim adım Natalie. Adım Alman ve Francız ama ailenim İrlandalı.  San Francisco’luyum ve yirmi üç yaşındayım.  Bendiller ve uluslararası ilişkiler üniversitede öğrenciyim.  Annem sekreter ve babam kamyoncu.

Lindsey kız kardeşim. Yirmi iki yaşinda.  Lindsey ve erkek arkadaşi Craig Washington, D.C.’de.  Lindsey ekonomi üniversitede öğrenci ve Craig hukuk fakülteside.

Benim en iyi arkadaşim Sonam.  Annesi ve babası Hintli ama Amerikalı. O kamu politikasi öğrenci.  Providence’de için Brown’un üniversitede öğrenci.  Hemen hemen kız kardeşim.

 


don't ask me how long to write this; it's embarrassing....

May you all have a sweet and prosperous new year!